She's my mother, not my mom.
They've been my moms, but are not my mother.
“My mom is so cool, she lets me stay up all night”, “My mom asks me about how my studies are going, and she asks me about what’s happening to me in school”, “I really cried when my mom left for abroad”.
These statements coming from my friends really make me want to have my own mom sitting there in the couch beside me, asking me things she is really concerned about. I wanted to feel so badly how a mother cares for her daughter. And that is because I never had a chance to be with my mother.
At times when I feel sick, I just cry myself to sleep, wishing that there would be someone to comfort me, take care of me, and love me like a real mother does. And as for my father, he wasn’t and isn’t capable of taking care of me because he has vices and is jobless. I was born with a complete family, but grew up with actually no one but my grandparents and aunts.
I can still remember my aunt telling me stories about how I ended up with them instead of with my own parents. She told me that when my mother knew she was carrying me in her womb, she had grave thoughts of abortion. She actually thought of not having me as her child since she wanted to go abroad to earn some living. But my father disagreed. He insisted to let me live. And when I was born in this world – I don’t know, but I really think she doesn’t want me – she thought of giving me away. I became sad because my brother who is a year older than me was left with my other grandmother (maternal side). And there comes my loving grandmother (paternal side) in action. She got me and she took care of me. But since she wasn’t able to watch me all day long because she teaches, she asked my aunt to take care of me instead.
And this is the luckiest part of my life. I think, without my aunt’s hard hands in teaching me at home and in school, I would not be like this. I would not be this good in school. Because I was only 2 years old then when I first learned how to read. She was persistent in teaching me all those stuff in school even at my young age. That’s why without her, also with the aid of my other aunts, I won’t be able to be excellent and I won’t be able to gather all my achievements in life and in school.
Funny, PTA meetings have been a big dilemma for me. I always ask myself how possibly I can have the decent parents to attend those kinds of meetings. And every time I go up in stage, receiving medals, certificates and awards, I always have that feeling of depression, envy and self-pity. I am depressed for not having my parents come up the stage and feel proud with me. I envy my classmates when I see their parents put the medal around their neck and take pictures showing how happy and complete their family is. I pity myself because I don’t get to have that feeling of extreme happiness that I have parents who are proud of their daughter being excellent in school. Only my grandparents and aunts are always present whenever there is an occasion like that. So, not having a complete family does not make me sad anymore, but instead, it made me realize that I should strive harder to achieve all my goals in life, to make them feel that it is a very big loss to them that they weren’t able to witness all my accomplishments, and to make them realize that I am not worthy of being deprived of a good family.
Now that I’ve grown up I believe my grandparents and my aunts are my only family. They’ve stood up for me. They gave me all, much more than a good family can give. They loved me as if I was their own, even though they each had children to watch over too. They gave me the best education I can ever get. They supported and still support me in every endeavour I undertake. They are always there. Even though I don’t get to have my own parents, I still consider myself lucky because the kind of family God has given me is so much better than those of my friends or even those of other people. I thank God for making my life beautiful and fulfilling even without parents.
Nanay, Mama Lorie, Ate Lala and Mama Lhot,
HAPPY MOM'S DAY!!!
I love you and
I will forever be grateful.